Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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