she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
