Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You dont lie about slip and slides
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
