I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
