You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
