pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
