dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize
