is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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