I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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