THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
