also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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