Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
