people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Randomize
