Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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