I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
