did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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