I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
