and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
