she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
