Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
