just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
