shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
