Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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