I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
