Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
