dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
