I can text with my tongue
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
