he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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