Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
