I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
