absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
