is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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