currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
