he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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