I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
