it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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