How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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