So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
