I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
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