Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
