I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
tell me about the fingering
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