Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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