I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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