I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
