it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
