Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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