Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
