I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
