Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
