Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I enjoy the company of your penis
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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