That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
