you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
