take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
