I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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